Astronaut
Sunday, 8 July 2012 | 02:57 | 0
So.... To my mum, Clubbing is for the lonely.
I totally agree with her, who clubs when they are not lonely? and lonely doesn't mean you have no friends or what. It may mean you have a thousand friends but deep down you're still feeling lonely. There are many lonely and broken souls out there, seeking for the one perfect person to take this loneliness out of them. it's not easy to search for that one person, so people, if you've got him/her you've gotta know how lucky you are, you have gotta treasure them.
I didn't treasure mine i guess so i lost my perfect person and became one of the lonely people out there. And going through the letting go, moving on, giving up, forgetting it is the hardest part of life. It's not easy at all. People can be giving you advice all the time, telling you what to do, but those are things you would never bring yourself to do. There would be this heartache feeling every time you're hit with the memories. "It's so hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember" This is fucking true. How do you try to stop the memories from flowing in when there are just so many? Every time you're alone and have nothing to do, subconsciously you will realise you're thinking of that person that gave you that much to remember, that you can't let go of.
Everyone leaves one day, people change, things change. You just have to get through with it. It's life. It hurts and kills you mentally like a bitch. But there's nothing you can do, what doesn't kills you just makes you stronger. One day you will get used to it, you will realise you are getting numb to it. "Those who are heartless, once cared too much" It's not always bad that people leaves cause some times some people are just not worth staying in your life and they may not be the right person to be still in your life.
There's this person in my life that i never thought would leave, He entered, gave me so much to remember, made me happy, and at the end of the day, left. Now it's the stage of moving on. It's so fucking hard and almost impossible. Everyone is telling me "It's not easy but it's going to be worth it" I don't even see how is it worth it, but it should be since everyone says the same thing. I've no idea what to start with. Letting go? Forgetting? Giving up? I can't do any of these. It's so tough. Even doing self hurt doesn't help. At that point of time it felt like my world is tumbling down, crashing down. I drink, to make myself happy. Smoke to relieve that stress, hurt myself so the pain is not just heartache, stay awake cause i'm afraid to dream. Lies I tell to myself all the time: 'i don't care', 'i am not bothered', 'it doesn't matter anymore', But what's the point? Deep down i know all of it are lies.
I can't get over it. It's a fact. A truth I have to face, no matter how hard it is, i know i gotta try. It's a battle now with my head and heart. I honestly hope my head wins. Just so you know i tried my best to let go, but there's nothing i can do when it's so hard. It's been a month and a week we ended things, but it still feels like just yesterday we were cuddling to bed, planning what to do tmrw, playing iPhone games, laughing at stupid things together, acting retarded together. Basically, doing things together. Those memories are so clear in my head still, they are like even clearly than what i learnt in school just two days ago. That shows how much you actually mattered. But there's no point now, cause i don't even matter to you anymore.
I still miss and love you. But i'm trying my best not to.
Sigh.
xoxo
"all the lonely people that the world forgot"
